How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
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