Many parents may not openly admit it, but it is common for them to have a favorite child when they have more than one or two children. This preference can be displayed in various ways. Some parents choose to assign fewer chores to their favorite child, investing more time and resources in them while their siblings bear the burden of household responsibilities. In more extreme cases, the other siblings may have to sacrifice their own desires, needs, and ambitions so that the favored child can receive a better education and develop necessary skills as set by the parents. Such favoritism can negatively impact sibling relationships.
Even if you do not believe that you have a favorite child within your own family dynamic, it is crucial to consider this information carefully. Reflect on whether this situation applies to your family and comprehend the negative consequences associated with favoritism among siblings. Understanding these repercussions will allow you to take action and work towards changing this dynamic for a healthier family environment.
Why do many parents end up having a favorite child?
The primary determinant is the sequence of birth, typically with the first child occupying a special place in their parents' hearts. However, it is also possible for the oldest son to be the favored one. The middle children tend to receive less preferential treatment, although there are instances where parents favor a particular child regardless of birth order. This can occur if they share similar senses of humor or have a common passion for a specific subject. Gender also plays a role; parents may show preference towards their daughter or son, or if one child proves more problematic than others, they may favor that child's girlfriend over their own offspring's partner.
The expression of this preference can vary and be diverse. On occasion, it is evident who the favored child is, and the other siblings are acutely aware of it. However, it should be noted that the favoritism can also come from other family members. For instance, a grandchild may receive preferential treatment from their grandparents. As mentioned earlier, parents are often oblivious to their preference for one child over another. But simply perceiving that their sibling is receiving special treatment can lead to various problems in both the present and future.
Four negative consequences that arise from favoring one child:
1. All siblings may experience higher levels of depression later in life
According to a study released in 2010, it was discovered that within families where mothers exhibit favoritism towards one child, all siblings - including the favored child - may experience higher levels of depressive symptoms, even into their later years. Each individual child is able to sense the presence of preference within the family dynamic and as a result, each may suffer from depression for their own unique reasons. This could be due to decreased feelings of closeness among those who are less favored or due to the elevated expectations placed upon the favored child. Additionally, it is possible for resentment to develop between siblings as they grow older.
2. Resentment may arise between siblings
Based on a study conducted at Bar Ilan University, Israel, it was found that when parents show a preference for one child over their siblings, the favored child may experience feelings of guilt later in life. This guilt stems from the special treatment and actions taken by the parents solely for them. Consequently, this can result in submissive behavior towards their brothers or sisters, who may take advantage of this resentment and manipulate them out of anger or jealousy
3. Children may develop narcissistic tendencies
There is a possibility that children who are excessively praised as favorites may develop narcissistic personality disorder. If these children have not put in any exceptional efforts to receive such praise but still receive it abundantly, they might exhibit symptoms like an inflated ego with grandiose self-importance. They may also deny any weaknesses they possess and display tantrums or similar behavior patterns.
Not only is the favored child susceptible to narcissistic disorder, but also those who have been ignored may experience feelings of neglect, inadequacy, and inferiority. They may even perceive themselves as unloved and worthless in the eyes of their parents. Consequently, these individuals may seek validation from others later in life to bolster their self-esteem and become vulnerable to criticism and rejection.
4. Confrontations may become a regular event
It has been consistently demonstrated through various studies that favoring one child over another leads to diminished warmth and love between siblings. Furthermore, families characterized by low levels of sibling closeness are more prone to conflicts and disputes. This dynamic can extend beyond just the relationships among siblings; recent surveys conducted in the United States reveal that 30% of individuals who felt less favored by their parents compared to their siblings eventually severed ties with family members during old age, including their own parents.
In conclusion...
Based on the information you were presented with, it became apparent how crucial it is to uphold fairness among siblings. Even if one of them possesses a greater talent than the others, and even if you feel a stronger bond with one child compared to their sibling, it is essential not to let this be evident. Any favoritism can have detrimental consequences for everyone involved, including your relationship with your children. Make every effort possible to give each child the love and attention they deserve equally - in the end, it will benefit the entire family as a whole.
