Our children learn about love first and foremost from the fairy tales they hear and the TV series or movies they watch, but do these reflect the truest expression of this emotion and how a loving, supportive, and good relationship should look? Most likely not, and although it is very difficult to clearly explain to a child what love is, it's likely that the day your child feels butterflies in their stomach, they will ask you "How do you know when you're in love?" or generally – "What is love?" Your children will certainly learn best from your relationship as their parents on how love looks, but there are a few things you should actively teach them so they can avoid harmful relationships and heartbreaks that might cause them to love themselves less. Here are the 9 lessons every parent should teach their children about love.
1. Hurting is not a sign of love
When your children cry because another boy or girl teased them, don't tell them "it's because he/she loves you." Even if it may be true, such behavior should not be seen as a normal way to express affection. If you explain to your children that this is how a child of the opposite gender expresses their affection, it will only teach them that abuse and hurt feelings are normal signs of love, and they are not.
2. Respect is important in love
Love and respect go hand in hand, even over the years when passion starts to fade, what remains alive and well and speaks of love is the respect partners have for each other. Your children not only need to learn how to give this respect but also that they should receive it because a relationship that has love without respect can be destructive and lead to much pain.
3. Love is give and take
You probably want to give your children all the love in the world, and in fact, it’s very easy compared to the alternative – teaching them that they also need to give love. Although it may require effort from you, you should invest in educating your children to understand that they can't always be on the receiving end. As much as they deserve love from others, they also need to learn to compromise and give love themselves.
4. When you love another person, you don’t need to love yourself any less
Your children need to know that if they love another person, it doesn’t mean they should sacrifice themselves and everything that is important to them for that person, especially if they demand it. Of course, compromise is important in every relationship, but to truly love someone else, your children first need to love themselves in general and especially when they are with that person. Your children will learn this based on what they see in your relationship as parents.
5. Self-love is the most important kind of love
There is a huge difference between selfishness and self-love, and while your children need to learn how not to trample others for their own good, they should also know how to accept and love themselves as they are. They don't need to change themselves to fit into a mold someone else created for them, and as long as they are good people who know how to respect others, they are fine as they are, and whoever doesn't see this is the problematic one.
6. Love should make you a better person
Although we've already mentioned that love shouldn’t change who you are, as long as it makes you a better person, it is a beneficial love that helps you grow as a human being. Your children need to understand this distinction, between a love that makes them better people and a love that requires them to change according to someone else's personal preferences.
7. Long-term love requires a lot of effort
Love is a delicate thing that needs constant care and nurturing, much like a plant you grow; if you don’t water it or give it fertile soil, it will wither, and so will love. Over time, people tend to take each other for granted in a relationship and stop investing in their love as they did in the past, and when that happens, the relationship starts to crumble. Therefore, your children need to know that long-term lovedoesn’t just come out of nowhere – you need to invest in love even after years, just as you did in the first year.
8. Sometimes we love someone who doesn’t love us back
As parents, you probably want only good for your children, but sometimes there are things beyond our control, and our children need to understand that they can't always get what they want. This also happens in love when feelings of affection come only from their side and not from the other side, which may break their heart, but they need to learn to let go of that painful disappointment. The heartbreak will be much less painful if they know in advance to expect this possibility, and of course, if you support them in moments when they suffer from it.
9. Sometimes love doesn’t last forever
Fairy tales and Hollywood movies teach our children that love lasts a lifetime, but the truth is that sometimes love fades, especially in adolescence, and sometimes it’s better to end a relationship and move on than to cling to it with all your might. At the same time, they should understand that the moments they spent in love with another person were not wasted at all – they were important lessons that taught them about relationships for the future, and most of all, a lot about themselves.
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