In our journey as parents, the transition of our children from childhood to adulthood is a crucial stage characterized by quite a few challenges. However, when our older children face difficulties, whether emotional, financial or otherwise, the dynamics of parental support also need to evolve and change. It is quite difficult to make this change, since the line between offering help and belittling the children's level of independence may be very thin in your children's eyes. And yet every parent must know the effective ways to connect with their older children, not only to be able to provide them with support, but also to learn how to appreciate their independence and determination.
Why it's important to reconnect with children who struggle as adults
Your children will always need you to be there for them, even as adults. If they are struggling with something, they may feel isolated, believe they are not understood and even feel overwhelmed and overwhelmed by the circumstances of their lives. A strong relationship with parents can provide children with a sense of security and belonging, which is necessary to face the various challenges of life at each stage. Moreover, older children also need emotional support, good advice and sometimes practical help, but you need to balance and know when to give children space to grow and develop and when to catch them when they fall. For this you must strengthen the family bond between you and let them know that they are not alone in their struggles.
10 ways to connect with older children who are struggling with difficulties
Reconnecting with your grown children requires patience, understanding and a calculated approach. This journey can be complicated and different for each parent, but it is likely that difficulties related to emotions, money or even the soul will be involved. To deal with such challenges, here are 10 recommended ways to strengthen your relationship with your children, which will help you convey to them the message that you support them and their independence.
1. Listen without trying to correct
Older children who are struggling with something often just need someone to listen to them, without immediately responding with a solution. Show them that you understand their feelings and point of view by simply listening to them and thinking about what they are saying, without immediately trying to help. You can certainly ask them questions that will help them expand on the subject, but you should ask questions that allow them to open up at their own pace, such as "And how do you feel about it?" Such an approach will help you create a supportive and safe environment for your children, and will help maintain open communication.
2. Offer unconditional support
Unconditional support is necessary for an older child who is struggling with something, so that he can feel accepted and understood. Make it clear that you love unconditionally, regardless of successes or achievements, and if you manage to create such a foundation, you will really prepare the ground for a relationship in which your children will feel safe to reveal their fears and challenges, without fear of judgment on your part.
3. Encourage efforts - no matter how small they are
Celebrate with your children every small victory, recognize the effort they invest in dealing with the daily challenges, and raise their morale as much as possible. This will help them feel that they are moving towards their goal and not be stressed about achieving perfection, which will greatly affect their level of motivation to continue and not give up.
4. Respect their independence journey
It is important to remember that your older children have a life path that may be different from what you expected or intended for them. However, you must respect your children's independence and support them to make choices that are right for them, even if you don't agree with them 100%. The most important thing is that you build trust and mutual respect, so that you can maintain a healthy relationship with them.
5. This is the right time to give practical help
The help you can provide can be financial, bureaucratic or even related to different life skills you have. What is important is that you offer the help in a way that empowers your children and does not make them feel that they are incapable or dependent on you. It's not easy, but you can, for example, offer to show what needs to be done and allow them to help you along the way.
6. Share your own experiences and weaknesses
Your children may perceive you as strong characters who can deal with a lot, and they may not be aware of the difficulties you have gone through in your life and the way you have dealt with them. If you reveal to them the times when you encountered a certain difficulty and tell how you felt and how you overcame it, it will make them feel less alone in their struggles.
7. Adopt shared interests
Find a common language with hobbies or TV shows that you both enjoy, and this will help you create conversations about topics that have no pressure and no struggles. Whether it's cooking, hiking, or attending various events, these shared activities can strengthen their bond with welcome distractions.
8. Maintain healthy boundaries
You need to respect your children's boundaries when it comes to independence and privacy, and you may have already gotten hints and understood where those boundaries should be. It could be a line related to privacy in a relationship, maybe it's a line related to giving unsolicited advice, but no matter what it is, if the children have decided that the line exists, you cannot cross it.
9. Encourage seeking professional help if needed
Sometimes the best way to support children is to encourage them to seek professional help. It can be a professional therapist for the soul, or also a consultant in the area where the children are having difficulty. Strengthen in your children the feeling that asking for help does not show weakness, but on the contrary - it shows strength, because it is the first step, and the first step is the hardest, but you will be there for them both in it and throughout the journey.
10. Stay patient and avoid pushing your children
It takes time to change, and you need to be patient with your children to allow them to find their own path or if your relationship is still not where you want it to be. Don't push them in the direction you think is the right one, and instead, offer your presence and help, so that you show them that no matter where they are on their path, you will always be by their side.
A few words in conclusion...
Reconnecting with children when they are adults requires a balance between support, respect and love. You have to show them that you are there for them, but not necessarily in the way that you think is right, but in the way that they need. Listen to what they say, don't criticize, respect their independence, engage in joint activities and encourage your children's courage - these are the things that will help them face their challenges and strengthen your relationship.
