1. First off, prioritize self-care for yourself
According to Deborah Vinell, a psychologist and marriage and family counselor, the first step in helping your children manage their anxiety is to address your own anxieties. If you are also struggling with anxiety, it is recommended to identify the root causes and consider seeking help from a psychologist to prioritize self-care. Dr. Vinell emphasizes the importance of being a sensitive and balanced parent who can assist their children with their difficulties, as children are highly perceptive of their parents' emotions. Instead of sharing your anxiety, try to share a sense of calmness with your children, allowing them to feel it as well.
2. Avoid saying things like "don't worry"
Sometimes, when your children are feeling anxious, it's easy to resort to phrases like "don't worry" or "calm down" in an attempt to provide comfort. However, it's important to remember that it's okay for them to feel afraid or anxious at times. Clinical psychologist Dr. Ashley Castro advises against using these phrases because they can give the impression that being scared or worried is something to be avoided at all costs. By telling them not to be afraid, you may inadvertently invalidate their feelings. Instead, it's better to teach your children breathing techniques to help them manage their anxiety.
3. Teach them breathing techniques
One way to effectively combat anxiety attacks and prevent them from worsening is by utilizing breathing techniques. These techniques provide a natural way to calm the nervous system. It is beneficial to practice these techniques with your children, even when they are not experiencing anxiety, so that they are prepared when anxiety does arise. Dr. Winel highly recommends this approach. To learn some recommended breathing techniques, click here. For younger children, you can teach them how to blow soap bubbles and explain the process of inhaling and exhaling to create them. When it's time to use the breathing technique they have learned, remind them of the bubble-blowing exercise.
4. Help your children identify their strengths
Dr. Lauren Cook, a clinical psychologist and author of Generation Anxiety, explains that children often believe they are incapable of handling certain situations. However, it is important to teach them that although some situations may be difficult and painful, they have the ability to endure them. One way parents can do this is by highlighting moments when their children act courageously or successfully manage their anxiety. It is also helpful to remind children that just as their bodies experience physical discomfort as they grow, their mental resilience and ability to cope with life's challenges develop over time, sometimes accompanied by unpleasant emotions.
5. Encourage your kids to face their fears
It may appear counterintuitive, but avoiding fearful situations can actually reinforce fear in children. Dr. Castro advises parents to encourage their kids, even those with anxiety, to confront their fears in a safe manner. By avoiding scary objects or situations, children only make them scarier. Parents should gently guide their children to face their fears, especially if avoidance leads to negative outcomes like skipping school, avoiding social interactions, or being afraid to ride an elevator. If a child's anxiety becomes severe, it may be beneficial to seek professional help to understand and address the underlying causes. As a helpful tool, parents can create a "worry box" for their children to express and manage their fears.
6. Make a "worry box"
Dr. Winel offers a fantastic suggestion for helping children cope with anxious thoughts. The idea is to create a worry box or jar together, decorate it, and find a special spot for it in the house. When children feel anxious or worried, they can talk about their concerns and imagine placing them in their hand, then transferring them into the box or jar. This way, the worries are contained until it's a more appropriate time to address them. Dr. Winel also recommends ensuring that the box or jar has a lid to prevent the worries from escaping.
7. Encourage your children to engage in physical activities that involve movement.
One effective method for managing anxiety is engaging in physical exercise. According to Dr. Cook, anxiety is primarily a physical sensation rather than an emotional one. Therefore, activities like jogging in the garden, practicing children's yoga, or even doing hands-on tasks like solving puzzles or coloring can help alleviate anxiety. Dr. Cook explains that exercise benefits children in two ways: it distracts them from the uncomfortable physical sensations associated with anxiety, and it allows them to experience the positive effects that physical activity has on their well-being, rather than just associating their body with negative emotions and anxiety.
8. Remind your kids everything is temporary
When children feel anxious, it's important to offer them hope and reassure them that this feeling won't last forever. Dr. Cook suggests reminding your children that this discomfort is temporary, as they might hold onto these intense emotions and believe that it will never go away. You can even show them how your own feelings change in just 10 minutes by setting a timer. This way, they can see that anxiety doesn't stay at a high intensity and gradually fades away.
9. Consider getting professional help
If your children are experiencing intense anxiety and you find yourself unable to provide them with the necessary support, remember that you don't have to handle it alone. In fact, therapy can have incredibly positive effects on their lives. According to Dr. Vinal, play, art, and animal therapy are excellent methods for addressing and managing anxiety in children. Additionally, there are various effective techniques available, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Dr. Vinal recommends exploring the options available in your area and helping your children develop a positive relationship with their caregivers. This is particularly crucial if your children have experienced trauma or a significant loss. It's important to understand that the impact of trauma doesn't simply fade away with time; professional treatment is necessary to aid in their recovery.
