When our children turn into teenagers, their behavior changes, and this is completely natural and normal. They become young people who begin to face challenges they haven't dealt with before, experiencing hormonal changes, facing peer pressure, and generally trying to figure out who they are. All these changes can affect the mood and behavior of teens, and as parents, it’s difficult for us to distinguish between normal behavior and one that indicates a certain problem that needs to be addressed immediately. Therefore, it is essential to recognize these red flags and intervene in time, and we've gathered 8 behaviors you should know to fully and correctly assess the state of your children.
1. Sudden tendency to isolate
If your children were previously very social, but suddenly they distance themselves from their entire social circle and family, even during activities they usually enjoy, this should raise a red flag. An example could be of a girl who used to spend weekends with her friends and suddenly starts refusing their invitations, preferring to stay alone in her room. Another example could be of a boy who used to play on a sports team and enjoyed it, but suddenly decided he no longer wants to participate without a clear explanation. All of these could be signs of distress, depression, or other issues affecting their mental health.
As a parent, you can:
- Maintain open communication channels, showing interest without prying.
- Encourage socialization by facilitating group activities or family outings.
- Create a welcoming home environment for your teen's friends.
- Respect their need for privacy while involving them in family activities.
- Model healthy social behaviors and coping strategies so they have positive examples.
2. Changes in eating habits
If your teens show extreme changes in their eating habits, such as limiting the type or amount of food they eat or counting calories, this could be a sign of developing eating disorders. Studies show that about 13% of teens develop these disorders by the age of 20, so if you notice such sudden and extreme changes, it is highly recommended to consult an expert who can address the issue.
3. Self-neglect
It’s completely normal for your teens to face issues related to their appearance, but if they seem to neglect themselves entirely and do not care at all about grooming, showering, and wearing clean clothes, this is a sign of a problem. Neglecting personal hygiene is a symptom of depression, low self-esteem, or stress, and sometimes can even be related to unhealthy relationships with drugs or alcohol.
4. Too much screen time
We all use screens daily, and this is usually not a cause for concern, but if your teens use their smartphone, computer, or gaming console during all their free time, this can eventually lead to physical and mental health problems, as well as hinder their social development. Your teens need face-to-face relationships, time for homework and academic responsibilities, and adequate sleep each night. If these are not present in their lives, it can lead to serious problems.
Tips for reducing screen time:
- Gradually decrease screen time to avoid abrupt changes, do it very gradually.
- Replace screen activities with engaging alternatives, that will help with resentment and boredom.
- Create tech-free zones in the house (e.g., bedrooms, kitchen table).
- Encourage regular breaks during screen use (20-20-20 rule: every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds)
5. Self-harm
One of the clearest red flags of mental distress in teens is self-harm – when a teen deliberately hurts themselves, causing wounds or pain to their body. This often stems from emotional pain or unresolved mental issues. If you notice unexplained bruises or injuries on your child's body, especially on their arms and thighs, it is highly recommended to seek professional help.
6. Frequent risk-taking
The teenage years are a time of experimentation, but there is a difference between trying new things and taking risks. Speeding while driving, drinking alcohol, using drugs, and engaging in unprotected sex are all risks your children are likely aware of but might ignore the consequences. Teens often take risks to rebel, gain approval from their friends, or as a way to cope with pressure or emotional distress, and it’s important to address not only the problem itself but also its root cause.
7. Tendency to hide things
If your children start keeping secrets from you regarding the activities they are involved in or the places they go, it obviously shows they are hiding something from you, and they may be doing things they know you won't approve of or feel ashamed or embarrassed about. It’s completely normal for teens to want and demand privacy and independence, and it’s important to give them that while finding the right balance between complete freedom and constant supervision. If your teens always lock their bedroom door or try to avoid answering questions about their plans, it’s worth having a conversation about this.
Building trust and setting clear boundaries are essential in addressing this issue. Start by establishing open communication early on, respecting your teen's growing need for privacy, and sharing appropriate personal experiences. When they confide in you, avoid judgment and maintain consistency in your reactions and consequences. It's important to discuss expectations regarding online activity, curfews, and social interactions. Explain the reasons behind rules to promote understanding, and be willing to negotiate and adjust these rules as your teen matures. Keep an eye out for warning signs of problematic hiding, such as lying about whereabouts or activities, sudden changes in friend groups or romantic relationships, unexplained possessions or money, and drastic mood swings or behavioral changes.
8. Low self-esteem
This too is normal – dealing with self-esteem issues during the years of self-discovery. However, if this is something that lasts for a long time and impacts your children to the point where they view themselves negatively, frequently criticize themselves, and seek validation from others, this can be a sign of depression or an anxiety disorder. Check if your children are constantly comparing themselves to others, doubting their abilities, or trying to harm themselves in any way, and if so, give them unconditional love and support, and encourage them to build their self-confidence and mental resilience.
What to do if you notice these red flags?
The first thing you should do is talk to your children without judgment. Give them the opportunity to express themselves, even if they don't fully understand what they are going through, and try to understand their perspective. Listen without criticizing and initially avoid giving advice or trying to fix the situation. If necessary, you can later help them try to solve their problems, either by yourselves or with the help of a qualified therapist, depending on the severity of the issue that arises.
Here are a few more tips to help you talk to your children and understand what the problem is:
1. Catch the right moment
When your children approach you to talk about a certain problem, seize the moment and let them lead. Give them your full attention and allow them to speak without interrupting. Show them that you are interested in hearing what they have to say.
2. Choose the right time and place
If you are the one initiating the conversation, do so in a quiet place where you have privacy and it’s comfortable to have a conversation. Make sure there are no distractions for you or your children, and that you have enough time to talk, no matter how long the conversation lasts. However, there are cases where this conversation can also take place alongside another activity, such as when you are cooking or playing together.
