Your kids never remember your requests, but they never forget the Wi-Fi password? Do you feel like they often ignore you and that you have communication problems? It’s completely natural for this to happen because their brains simply work a little differently than ours; their priorities are different, and there are many things that are very important to them that parents sometimes tend to overlook. Fortunately, since we now understand these facts, it is easier to use various psychological techniques to gain more attention, consideration, focus, and cooperation. In the following article, we have compiled 8 such "tricks" that can be beneficial for your children, grandchildren, and even your nieces and nephews. Even if not all of them work, you will undoubtedly improve your communication with them using this guide and finally feel like they are really listening to you.
1. Get Your Child’s Attention on You
Children who are immersed in a video, game, argument with another child, or something similar do not always notice you, even if you raise your voice. It’s not necessarily because they are ignoring you, but simply because their attention and focus are completely dedicated to something else. If you want your children to listen to you, whether it’s to stop a sibling fight or to clean up their room, get down to their eye level, make light physical contact such as a hand on their shoulder, say their name aloud, and only then speak to them. This simple "preparation" significantly increases the likelihood that they will respond to what you say and is also effective for calming children experiencing temper tantrums.
2. Give Your Kids (Partial) Control Over the Situation
The following psychological trick can be summed up in two words: "If-Then." "If you do your homework now, then you get a glass of juice" – "If you answer messages faster, then we will let you stay out later," and so on. Unlike statements such as "Clean your room first, and then you can watch TV," the "If-Then" structure gives children a sense of power and control in achieving something desirable or generally getting a positive outcome. You can use a similar type of statement to establish consistency and positive action order – for example, "After you finish your snack, you will tidy up your room."
3. Instead of Yelling, Use Whispers
Raising your voice is a natural way to try to get attention from someone who isn’t focused on you or who is triggering strong emotions. However, when it comes to children, sometimes the opposite approach works better. Simply move closer to your child's ear and whisper your request or message to them in a calm tone that makes them realize the importance of what you’re saying. This method is effective because many children become "immune" to parents who frequently raise their voices, leading to a certain level of indifference. Whispers, on the other hand, are perceived as something unusual that requires focus to understand, creating an element of intrigue and a sense of secrecy, which even young children can sense. Additionally, whispers have a calming effect on the brain, which can sometimes contribute to the cooperation you are trying to achieve.
4. Don’t Overload Them with Too Much Information
Version 1: "We are leaving the house for 10 minutes, don’t turn on the oven, don’t touch the air conditioner remote, don’t answer the phone, don’t open the door for anyone, don’t play with dangerous things, sit here and play with cards, dolls, your smartphone, or toy cars."
Version 2: "We are leaving the house and will be back soon, sit here in the living room and play nicely with any game you want without touching anything else."
Which of these two versions do you think children find easier to accept? The second one, of course. However, there are still many cases where parents "overload" their children with too much unnecessary information. In fact, according to a 2010 study, young children and teenagers can generally only retain 3 to 5 significant pieces of information at a time. So, if you want them to listen to you, try to avoid unnecessary details and don’t overload them unless it’s absolutely essential.
8. Most Importantly, Don’t Forget to Listen!
Finally, never forget – if your children don’t feel like you’re listening to them, if you constantly interrupt them, don’t believe them, or are distracted while talking to them, their brains will adopt these communication patterns. Giving your full attention to your children is a crucial part of building a strong parent-child relationship, making them more attentive and increasing the chances of cooperation. This also means allowing them to speak and present their "side" if you catch them doing something wrong. Only then will they be more open to hearing what you have to say. Keep in mind that in such cases, you should also avoid being too harsh if you notice they are not listening, as they might be in a sensitive defensive state.
