Couples learn throughout life how to maintain their relationship, and since we are all human, we all make mistakes and even tend to fall into negative moods that affect our reactions, even in front of the people we love most in the world. Still, there are reactions that become part of the routine, and they do nothing more than harm the relationship - which we must prevent. If you've gotten into the habit of doing the following 7 things, know that they are responsible for 90% of your biggest fights, and you should learn how to curb those reactions.
1. The Silent Treatment
Ignoring, refusing to acknowledge the existence of the other, not responding, and more - all types of punishment of silence do not stop the argument, but only emotionally distance your spouse from the relationship with you. When you ignore someone on purpose you are actually teaching them how to live without you, and if that's what you want, you need to make it more clear, but if not, you need to learn to respond differently, or at least explain why you don't want to talk now and when you can
2. Attention-seeking complaints
Sometimes we may ignore everything that is positive in our lives, and we will complain to anyone who will listen to us about how bad we are. It can reach such serious situations that even when we are asked about positive things in our lives, we find something to complain about. Unfortunately for our spouses, they are the ones who are around us the most, and they are also the ones who will hear this negativity more than anyone else.
We all need our troubles to be heard from time to time, but don't fall into this constant habit of looking for attention, pity, recognition, or anything else. It's an easy way to get all of these, but it doesn't work well in the long run, and you'll end up creating a black cloud inside your house that will make everyone's feelings negative, and then the fights will just happen by themselves.
3. Deriding a spouse's character during a disagreement
Just as it is okay to complain from time to time but not regularly, so also disagreements in the relationship are a normal and natural thing. This means that you are honest with each other and true to yourself within the relationship. However, sometimes disagreement can open the window for you to "shed light" on a whole part of your partner's character that you don't like.
Don't let one case become an example to prove your point in a moment of rage. If you have something to say, choose to say it at a planned time and in a calm atmosphere so that the discussion on the subject does not turn into a full-blown fight. Think about it - if you throw a tantrum when someone else disagrees with you, what does that say about your character?
4. Avoiding small gestures of contempt
Calling derogatory names, rolling eyes, belittling, mocking, rudeness and more - these are many different forms of gestures that are full of hate, and are toxic to your relationship. It is impossible to solve problems in a relationship when one of the partners creates the distance himself, because it only conveys one simple message to the other side: "I despise you in this moment."
5. Multitasking while communicating
Even if you're an expert at multitasking and can really multitask, when you're talking to someone, especially your spouse, be with them 100 percent. Don't scroll on your smartphone, don't watch TV and don't do anything except look them in the eye and listen carefully. If you really don't have time to talk, be honest and say that you will have time for them at another time, or ask if the story can be shortened.
Remember that your full attention is the greatest gift you can give your partner. You don't even have to always respond, sometimes your spouse will just want to talk and have someone listen to them, and so do you.
6. Bringing up incidents you forgave them for
If someone you love has made a mistake and you have chosen to forgive them, your actions should prove the truth of those words. This means that what you forgave should be forgotten, at least in your fights, because you must not use the same incident from the past to prove a claim or your righteousness. If you do this, it will only show that you have never really forgiven and also prove to your partner that they are not capable of changing, at least not in your eyes.
7. Emotional blackmail
Emotional blackmail is a situation in which you are given a certain emotional punishment if your partner does not do what the other party asked of him. What is required of the spouse is to change their behavior against their will, and this is in order to protect them from harm on your part that avoids the inevitable effect of emotional blackmail.
To prevent this, you must work on your communication skills. In the relationship there should be room for all emotions - positive and negative - and if one of the partners cannot express both, it will be difficult to prevent the fights that will arise, because in the end it is exploitation that is difficult to tolerate over time. One of you must not be submissive to the other - neither physically nor emotionally.
In conclusion...
If you read this list and were mainly looking for things that concern your spouse, take responsibility for yourself and check honestly - do you also answer some of these sections? If so, start working on yourself before you point the finger of blame and check how the changes you make in your reactions will affect the relationship and the frequency of fights. The key is to understand each other better, be more patient and remember that what unites you is your love for each other. You wouldn't want anyone to hurt the person you love, so don't let yourself be the one to do it.
