When a family is established, all parties want it to be happy, and it isn’t surprising to learn that one measure of a family's happiness is loyalty in the relationship that started it all - but how can loyalty be preserved? Psychologist and marriage counselor Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr. of Minnesota conducted a series of trials on more than 800 couples and found that men and women have different basic needs that should be met in order to reduce the likelihood of cheating.
We’ve put together a list of these needs, which after reading through them, you should try to provide them to your spouse so that you can enjoy a happy and healthy family. These "facts” may not hold true for everyone, and these experiments have been conducted in the past and their findings may not be suitable for modern couples, but according to Dr. Willard, they are certainly valid for most married couples.
Because of the high testosterone levels most men have, their sex drive is stronger than that of most women. According to Dr. Willard, there is a direct connection between men's need for sexual activity and women's need for affection, and if the man does not show love to his wife and does not treat her gently, there is a high chance that she will refuse to have sex with him when he wants to. Refusing to have sexual intercourse may make the man aggressive and frustrated – two things which create distance.
Many women need a soft and gentle interaction with their partners, especially ones that show the love they feel about them. You can express a softness that indicates love just by kissing and hugging them, but that isn’t enough. Small or large gifts, phone calls in the middle of the day, and signs showing the husband is looking after his wife will make the woman feel more protected and relaxed in her relationship thereby avoiding thoughts of cheating.
According to Dr. Willard's findings, most women take part in their husbands' hobbies, even if they did not engage in them before the start of the relationship. For example, a woman in a relationship with a man who likes to fish, watch football and so on can develop an interest in these areas. At the same time, as the marriage progresses, many women want their men to share their interests with them as well, or on the other hand, they stop taking interest in their husband’s leisure activities and prefer to be left out of them. For most men, having their wives take part in their interests is very important, and according to Dr. Willard, this is the second most important thing that drives most men to infidelity. They want to continue enjoying the things they love but also share this pleasure with their wives.
Everyone needs someone to listen to them and react accordingly, and while dating, most couples talk for hours on end and genuinely enjoy it. Dr. Willard has found in his research that in order for a woman to feel satisfied in her marriage, she needs about 15 hours a week, in which the man pays attention to her and spends time with her as he did when they were still a young couple. If you do the math, it comes out to about 2 hours a day that can be spent in a variety of ways, and this is a time worth investing to maintain a healthy and happy relationship.
It's no secret that most men don’t always think with their brains, but sometimes with the limb between their legs, and the less attractive their woman is, the more likely they are to cheat. But that doesn’t mean she needs to find the fountain of youth and stay young and beautiful forever, only that she should take care of her appearance to some extent. After all, no one wants his or her partner to neglect themselves simply because they have reached a place of comfort in the relationship. This is often the case for women as well, therefore, men aren’t off the hook either and should be taking care of themselves too.
Many men find it difficult to express their feelings, but it is important to do so for honesty in the relationship. Lack of sincerity doesn’t necessarily mean that one is lying, but rather it could mean that the man is hiding and suppressing information such as feelings and thought. This suppression could quickly lead to a blowout in a moment of anger. In order not to lose trust in each other, it is very important that men learn how to talk openly with their women, even about small things that may not seem essential to them. Men may not be aware of this, but they too need to reveal their emotions from time to time to learn how to deal with them correctly.
In most families, it is the man that deals with a variety of tasks that require judgment, thought, concern, planning for the future, etc., whether decisions are in the workplace or arrangements such as mortgage payments or car insurance. Any small or big responsibility imposed on the man puts pressure on him, but most men know how to deal with this pressure - they just need to be able to relax at the end of the day. Therefore most men care what the house looks like, and are more concerned with sitting down and relaxing in order to prepare for the next day. This doesn’t mean that all men are allowed to idle around in the hopes they won’t turn to another woman, but sometimes they can be allowed to take out the trash or wash the dishes "later" as long as it is clear to both sides that the chore will be done.
Of course, women also have to deal with long to-do lists during the day, but in most families, the man is the main breadwinner, especially when a child arrives. Therefore, many women feel dependent on their spouses for the financial security of the family, and they want to know that they will be able to maintain their family life as they see fit. This does not mean that women are greedy, but only that they need to feel that they and their families have a good chance of being financially secure, to help ensure that everyone can live in peace and tranquility.
