Are you a good parent? Don’t try to answer this question just yet, because the answer will be superficial, and in fact, you probably won’t be able to answer it until you delve a little deeper. Every parent wants to know that they're doing the job well, but to do so we need to ask ourselves a few questions and answer them honestly, without fear of what will be revealed.
These answers will lead us to the ways in which we could improve as parents, so if you feel ready, you should go through the following 10 questions and try to answer them. Do this once in a while to remind yourself how to be better parents not only now, but also when you and your children get older.
Where do you rank parenthood on your most important task list? Is parenting something you make time for, or do you tend to neglect your role routinely while engaged in other things, such as in your work? Of course, it is important to maintain balance in life and to handle a wide range of things beyond parenting, but what do you do when given the choice between watching your favorite TV show and reading a bedtime story to your children?
Ask yourself: How much of your life has changed since you’ve become parents, and is parenthood something that has entered your life routine before you became parents? If not, you may have to change something in your routine to make a little more time for your kids and make parenting a top priority.
Consider what memories you would like to have 30 years from now. Do these memories include fun experiences with your kids or only memories of you disciplining and teaching them? In addition, what memories would you like your children to have? These questions are just the beginning, and there are others that can make you understand what your goals are as parents.
We are often advised to shape our children’s behavior using different methods, but what about our behavior? How much time do you invest in becoming the parents you want to be? Try to think about whether and how you can change yourself so that you meet goals that are important to you as parents.
Letting your children have alone time is not the same as ignoring them or neglecting them - the intention is to give your children space to learn, grow and develop so that they discover things about themselves, on their own. Can your children pick out their own clothes? Can they decide how much food they want? Who decides what to do before bedtime?
Think for a moment - if you leave a tape recorder to record what’s going on around the house, will you only hear yourself ordering your kids around, or you allowing your children to develop a sense of curiosity and wonder that will help them discover who they are? The more you give your children the freedom to discover themselves and the world around them alone, the less they will deal with such heavy questions when they are adults, and know what their purpose in life is at an earlier age.
How often do you do nothing but play fun with your children? Are there activities that you enjoy doing together on a regular basis? Are your children people you enjoy spending time with, or would you rather do other things with other people? Note that all of these questions will help you to know an important detail about your future together - when your relationship goes through rough patches, and these rough patches will be more meaningful as your children get older, your ability to solve them will depend only on the strength of your relationship.
No one is always right, and many children have a developed sense of justice and a desire for everything to be fair, not just in games. How do you manage situations where you find yourself wrong? Do you believe that as a parent you must not show weakness or admit a mistake? Think about what your children will learn from it, and if you don’t want them to grow up to be unwilling to admit their mistakes, you should teach them how to do it through personal example.
Following the previous section, ask yourself if you are a good role model for your children; if you value cooperation, do you tend to cooperate with your children? If you value honesty, are you honest with your children? Children learn behaviors from us based on who we are rather than what we try to teach them, so show your children what you expect of them instead of demanding it from them and behaving in the opposite way.
Do you know what things your children like and what they hate? Do you know what areas they would like to improve? Do you have discussions about certain topics that interest them and do you ask them what interests them? People develop interests at a very young age, and as we grow up and learn, these preferences can develop in different and more advanced directions. You can help guide your children in the right directions for them only if you get to know them well.
In the process of raising children, both questions and directions are important, but there is a need to balance these two things and to make sure that the amount of directions we give to our children does not exceed the number of questions we ask. When children are very small, there are plenty of opportunities to ask questions. For example, instead of saying "Take a coat with you before we leave the house," you might say, "When you look at the weather outside, what clothes do you think you should wear?"
Such questions will help encourage your children to express their opinions, while just ordering them to do something prevents this. At the same time, it is important that you avoid rhetorical questions, which are in fact no different from directions.
In today's fast and stressful life, it is easy to get into a routine of work and not spend enough time to enjoy the people we build our lives with. When did you last roll in a fit of laughter with your kids? Have you recently done silly things together just for fun, or are you spending most of your time in front of the TV or computer? In many years, you and your children will not remember the shows you watched or the number of friends you had on Facebook, but the little sweet moments you had together when you tickled them silly or built a fort out of the couch cushions.
How do you think your children see you as parents? Of course, you can’t know the answer to this question for sure, but it's a big question to ask ourselves either way. Do your children see you as people close to them, that they can talk to about everything and that are good people? Or do they experience you as direct, rigid, and controlling people? Now ask yourself, is this the way you want your children to see you? If the answer is no, it's time to change your attitude towards them.
