Some parents allow their children to jump on the sofa and bed or let them bang on pots and pans loudly. It might also be that at Grandma and Grandpa’s house, these behaviors are not only allowed but encouraged. However, in your home, such behavior might not be acceptable. It’s perfectly fine to establish certain rules for children at home, and it's actually necessary for raising kids who are prepared for the real world. They need rules to help them understand what’s allowed, what’s not, and how to control certain impulses. Most of all, studies show that they are important to a child's development.
However, it’s also possible to overdo it and set too many rules, turning you into strict parents who stifle your children’s proper development. Thus, finding the right balance is crucial. To help you out, here’s a list of five types of rules you should establish at home, along with eight tips to ensure your children follow them.
1. Rules Regarding Children’s Safety
Safety at home is very important for children so they can explore their talents and passions without being in danger. Here, there’s no room for flexibility; you must set clear safety rules, such as:
- Do not open the door to strangers when parents are in the shower or not at home.
- Do not jump or stand on furniture meant for sitting or lying down (chairs, sofas, beds, etc.).
- Do not share personal information with strangers online, including names, addresses, phone numbers, etc.
2. Moral Rules for Children
Your children need to develop values and morals, which start with your education, including the rules you set at home. These rules shouldn’t be complicated, and every child should know them and follow them not only at home but also outside. You should demonstrate these rules yourself because your children will learn more from your behavior than from the instructions you give them. Here are some examples:
- Do not hurt others’ feelings or physically harm one another.
- Always tell the truth to each other.
- Everyone at home deserves to be spoken to with respect, without cursing or yelling.
- Respect each other’s property and don’t touch others’ things without permission.
- Allow each family member to have privacy when they want and need it.
3. Rules for Developing Healthy Habits
When children have a routine and a fixed structure to their day, they tend to behave much better. Therefore, you should create rules regarding daily healthy habits. This will prevent power struggles at home when your children need to perform certain tasks or when you want them to listen to you. You’ll find that the more consistent your children’s routine is, the fewer arguments and disputes you’ll have with them. Make sure there are clear consequences when rules are broken. Here are some rules to clarify daily expectations:
- Brush your teeth twice a day, in the morning and before bed.
- Put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, not anywhere else in the house.
- There are fixed times for watching TV and going to bed.
4. Rules that Encourage Social Skills
House rules can help your children develop social skills that will benefit them not only now but also in the future. This includes how they treat each family member. Once you enforce these rules, you’ll see that they will also apply to interactions outside the home and with other children. This also includes rules that may not seem directly related but definitely influence how your children interact with others, such as:
- Share toys and games with siblings.
- Take turns when playing together.
- No smartphones or tablets during meals, especially when the whole family is eating together.
5. Rules to Prepare Children for the Real World
Your children are always in stages of preparation for adulthood, learning daily lessons on how to function as individuals—not just at home but in the world at large. However, the rules in this area will largely depend on your children’s personalities. Some children are more responsible than others, and you might not need to constantly encourage them to do their homework before watching TV, for instance. But if necessary, you should enforce such rules to prepare them for the future. Here are some examples:
- Do homework daily before doing other activities.
- Each person is responsible for certain chores, which they must do daily (according to their age).
- If children want to buy something, they need to save their allowance.
8 Tips for Establishing Household Rules
It’s likely that if there are too many rules and you’re always telling your children what to do, they won’t respond well in the long run. Therefore, here are some tips to help make creating and enforcing rules easier and more effective
1. Allow Children to Express Their Opinions
Ultimately, enforcing the rules is up to you, but your children are more likely to listen if they feel you listen to them and have a place to express their opinions. Keep an open mind—your children might come up with rules or aspects of rules you hadn’t considered and would be happy to implement.
2. Show Them How It's Done
Not only should children follow household rules, but everyone in the house should, including you. Don’t set rules you can’t follow yourself. For example, if you decide that lying is not allowed, don’t lie to your children.
3. Enforce Rules Consistently
If you’ve created a list of rules for your children, don’t expect them to follow them immediately and always. Pay attention to when they break the rules and address it promptly. If you’re not going to enforce certain rules, don’t include them just for the sake of it. Inconsistency sends the message that rules are "suggestions" rather than absolute guidelines.
4. Explain Exceptions
Whether you’re on vacation or hosting people at home, there may be situations where you allow your children to bend the rules a bit. The important thing is to let them know beforehand that these cases are exceptions and not part of the routine.
5. Admit Your Mistakes
Even adults and parents make mistakes. If you want your children to admit their mistakes, show them how you do it. If you accidentally curse or lie, take responsibility for your actions and apologize to your children. They will learn to do the same.
6. Provide Brief Explanations for Each Rule
Your children need to understand your rules, not just hear them as short statements. For example, if the rule is not to walk around the house with shoes on, explain that it’s because you want to keep the house clean and shoes make the floor dirty.
7. Explain What Happens When Rules Are Broken
To make the right choices and follow the rules, your children need to know the consequences of breaking them. This could be restrictions and loss of privileges, such as watching TV or eating snacks.
8. Use Positive Language as Much as Possible
It’s much more effective to establish rules using "do" instead of "don’t," for example, "speak nicely" instead of "don’t curse." This shows children not only what’s forbidden but also what they should do instead and what is expected of them.
