Be on the look out for signs that may point to a bullying problem, such as one or more of the following:
• Injuries that a child may find difficult to explain.
• Clothing that appears to be torn, or lost or destroyed books, electronics or jewelry.
• A change in eating habits. They may skip meals or binge eat. Kids may also come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
• A sudden decline in grades, or a loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school.
• Kids may appear to have a lower self-esteem or may feel helpless.
• They may engage in self-destructive behaviors, including running away from home, harming themselves or talking about suicide.
It's important to not ignore any of the above signs. If you know someone who is in serious distress or danger, don't ignore the problem, get help right away. It may also be that a child is not being bullied, but rather, is doing the bullying. This should be stopped instantly. But how can you tell if a child you know is bullying others? Watch out for these signs:
• They get into physical or verbal fights.
• They have friends who bully others.
• They appear to be increasingly aggressive.
• They get sent to the principal's office or to detention frequently.
• They tend to blame others for their problems.
• They don't accept responsibility for their actions.
• They are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity.
The issue with bullying is that more often than not, kids don't ask for help. In fact, statistics from the 2012 Indicators of School Crime and Safety, show that an adult was notified in less than half of bullying incidents. But why do kids not tell adults about bullying?
• To start, bullying can make a child feel helpless. Kids may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may also fear being seen as weak or as a tattletale.
• Kids also fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.
• Bullying is a humiliating experience and kids may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether it is true or false. It's also possible that kids may fear that adults will judge them or punish them for being weak.
• Kids who are bullied may already feel socially isolated. They may feel like no one cares or could understand them.
• They may also fear being rejected by their peers as friends can help protect kids from bullying, and may fear losing this support.
So, know that you are aware of the signs, what can you do to prevent bullying?
A good place to start is to help kids understand bullying. It is good to talk about what bullying is and how to stand up to it safely. Let them know that bullying is unacceptable and make it clear to them on how to get the help they need. When a child is able to understand what bullying is, they are better able to identify it should it happen to them and others.
Encourage them to speak to a trusted adult if they are bullied or if they see others being bullied. Make them aware that an adult can offer comfort, support, and advice, even if they can't solve the problem directly.
Talk to them about how to stand up to kids who bully, giving tips and using humor, as well as saying 'stop' directly and confidently. Talk about what they should do if those actions don't work - such as walking away. It is also important to urge kids who are bullied to show kindness or get help.
Keep communicating with them. Spend 15 minutes a day talking to them as this will reassure kids that they can talk to their parents if they have a problem. Ask them questions like:
• What was one good thing that happened today? Any bad things?
• What is lunch time like at your school? Who do you sit with and what do you talk about?
You could also talk to them about bullying directly as this is an important step in understanding how the issue might be affecting kids. While there are no right or wrong answers, you can ask them questions like:
• What does bullying mean to you?
• Describe what kids who bully are like. Why do you think people bully?
• Who are the adults you trust most when it comes to things like bullying?
• Have you ever felt scared to go to school because you were afraid of bullying?
Another essential step to managing bullying is to model how to treat others with kindness and respect. After all, kids learn from adults' actions. By treating others with kindness and respect, adults show the kids in their life that bullying has no place. Bear in mind that while it may seem like kids are not paying attention, they are in fact watching how adults manage stress and conflict, as well as how they treat their friends, colleagues, and families.
