What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!