Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!