Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.