What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.