Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
How do you shoot a three-headed ghoul?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting.
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?
Terrier-fied!
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
Why did the ghoul become green?
It was sick of eating brains!
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.