I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
I have a heart-on for you.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Easter dinner was great today
We made sure it had all the crucifixins'.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
It's for Hispanic attacks.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why can you never use a serve receive pattern against a sniper? They’d all start running for cover.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
Practice safe text: use commas.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
I decided to add a water fixture to my backyard...
... it's going well
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.