hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
I was at an office conference this past autumn. I made a new friend and when I asked for his contact details, he said, "Here is my November!"
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
I only have ice for you!
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, "Don't look while I am changing".
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
Why are Catholics the best runners during the Easter season?
They fast during Lent!
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
Enrique Doubleglazius.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.