Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
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I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.