Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
"Here for the right riesling."
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.