What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.