I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.