My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea