Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.