Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.