What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel