What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!