I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.