Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
You have goat to be kidding me.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.