What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.